I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
