So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can vaginas get frostbite?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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