I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize