I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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