Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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