Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
