I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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