i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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