We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm at about main and main street
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize