Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
