Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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