Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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