oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
