Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize