I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
