I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
