he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
