Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize