Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
