the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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