He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
