mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize