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• (858): View more from California

  My sheets look like a crime scene.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.

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• (516): View more from New York

  i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober

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• (415): View more from California

  The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"

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• (585): View more from New York

  Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.

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