We're like a lot better than the average bears
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
