tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
