is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
