just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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