alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
