i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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