this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You made out with two different species that night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
