i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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