Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
