So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize