I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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