I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
