So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
