For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
