we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
