Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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