is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
