I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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