I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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