my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
