So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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