I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
