literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
