Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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