Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
