I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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