chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
