I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
