i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Randomize
