I need help removing her.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
this hospital has no fireball
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize