hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
