Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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