I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
