Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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