OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
