He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
