no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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