I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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