Swine flu. Run for my life!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
