i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize