The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
