i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
