don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm too high and old for this...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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