The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize