Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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