Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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