I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
