You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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