Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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