Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize