I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
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