Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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