Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

So drunk i had to piss sitting down...

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(573): View more from Missouri

how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?

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(248): View more from Michigan

New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.

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(917): View more from New York City

The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.

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(914): View more from New York

I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.

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(224): View more from Illinois

i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.

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(925): View more from California

I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I love you. Go after that dick

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort

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