i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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