i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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