WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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