carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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