I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
