I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
