guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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