Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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