She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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