she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
