So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
its liver damage thursday
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
