Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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