I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
