Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
