The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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