Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
