You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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