i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
