I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize