Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
