vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
