No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
