I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Rumble strips road head = magical
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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