a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
