it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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