my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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