Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ttyl tear gas
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
