lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
