Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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