I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize