is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
