just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just want nice things and good sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
