I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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