RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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