Soap is not a condiment
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
