you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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