you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
